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In order to be a true weirdo, a person must say some of the stupidest things on the planet. That's where these come in. They are a list of hundreds of insanely stupid things to say. Read them and hopefully pick up a few. Stupid Sayings For The Wise Impaired
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1. If you have money, use it wisely. Buy those things to turn your toilet water blue.
2. Bun.
3. Plastic farm animals graze in the carpet that grows wildly in my room.
4. Scream: "I gots lice!!!"
5. Old people sometimes generate stinkies.
6. If you jump up and down and beat your head on a door for long enough, people will take you to a happy farm.
7. Purple lint is our friend.
8. Lets all go for a flower back ride.
9. I like beans.
10. Cows can pee 4 or 5 gallons at a time.
11. When I grow up I want to bee one of those birds that sit on cows heads and wait for them to poop.
12. Deep inside, we all love toilets.
13. Ooger booger.
14. Some people like poo poo.
15. Snot that hangs from your nose only wants to be your friend.
16. When you cry your stealing water from children.
17. If you have money, use it wisely. Buy those things to turn your toilet water blue.
18. The government bills us for urine depletion. (It's called taxes.)
19. We all make the rotten egg smell some time.
20. People with odors smell.
21. Fast food is based on cow droppings.
22. 57923. That's a number.
23. If you run fast enough, you can buy a sandwich.
24. People in a coma need to buy pickles.
25. Some people collect broken chairs.
26. Da beans make me smell.
27. Do that one more time and I'll neuter you!
28. You shouldn't eat cow pies.
29. Buy more bananas.
30. I like to lick clean silverware.
31. Sometimes I have blood in me.
32. Some mean people have things stuck in bad places.
33. Spit on a fish.
34. I can sing the theme to Mission Impossible.
35. Drink beer and buy me a liver.
36. Some people just need to shut up. Shut up their butt holes.
37. Stick people are mean.
38. I like to look at mashed potatoes.
39. People are nasty.
40. Never pick up a dead corn on the cob.
41. Apples and Oranges are watching you undress.
42. My brain is on strike.
43. Moldy bread looks like my belly button.
44. I have severe mental problems.
45. Soup feels good against my toes.
46. Strangers are digging in my armpits.
47. My sisters stuffed animals are having a blood war in our bathroom.
48. Sticks aren't really made of wood. They're made of toilet paper.
49. I like to make fun of stupid people.
50. Baby oil is made by killing babies and draining their fat. | 51. Tube top dresses are really giant enchalata wraps.
52. Headless chickens run around.
53. Old people like to eat mashed peas.
54. I propose that the world is a giant tennis ball.
55. Old people smell can not be washed away.
56. With age comes wisdom. With wisdom comes the ability to eat more beans.
57. Your hair screams when you cut it.
58. I have germs.
59. Some noses are full of boogers.
60. Mean people suck
61. Old nasty crust smells bad.
62. Green golf balls are green.
63. I like beans
64. Never eat a shirt. They don't taste good.
65. I don't like boogers.
66. Doughnuts are round.
67. I am having an intimate relationship with a can of beans.
68. My sister has 57 nose hairs. I counted them while she was asleep.
69. Some people have pet paper towels.
70. Eat beans and make gas.
71. Some people walk funny.
72. Diseases can be nasty.
73. Toothless people eat chopped fruit.
74. Lunch is the time to eat.
75. Grass grows in the pastures between my toes.
76. Some people voted for Bob Dole.
77. Chinese noodles are holy.
78. My tooth has 4 gold rings.
79. Is it impossible for a piece of paper to have an intelligent conversation with you.
80. When I woke up this morning, plastic Army men had tied me down and were bungie jumping from my chin.
81. Some people are afraid of toilets.
82. My shoes are mad at me.
83. Super tomato to the rescue!
84. Lint for sale! 50 cents a piece!
85. Chalk tastes good.
86. Toe nails can be your friends.
87. Pot bellies sometimes practice ballet.
88. When I undress I make my clothes look the other way.
89. Some people drool excessively.
90. Farting is your butts way of whistling.
91. Odor is no object.
92. Dead cows can be romantic.
93. I like poop.
94. All for one, One for peanuts.
95. I have a very contagious disease.
96. Mashed potatoes are my friend.
97. Steel pipes are not alive.
98. My nose can smile.
99. Fly with the penguins.
100. Some things are old.
101. Onion rings sometimes have onions in them.
102. French fries are really dead peoples fingers.
103. Card board boxes are made of chicken skin.
104. Beep. That's a noise.
105. It's not nice to tear open someones stomach.
106. Show me a pickle and I'll show you a cucumber in pain.
107. Doors that can't be opened are called walls.
108. Soldiers don't cry, but if you rub peppers in their eyes they will.
109. Erasers can be found mining coal in my stomach.
110. Butter comes from your armpits.
111. Bears have buttons in their noses.
112. Boo Baby says "La La La."
113. Shave a monkeys hair off and dress him up like a person.
114. I have a broken brain.
115. CD ROM drives are really weird looking cup holders.
116. Elephants were made to be spray painted on.
117. Cheese periodically falls out of my skin.
118. Boogers taste good when stir-fried.
119. My life is controlled by 15 small puppets.
120. Broken buildings aren't made for gum ball storage.
121. Dillweeds need lots of attention.
122. I refer to beans as...The musical fruit.
123. My nostrils flame when I lick my lips.
124. The planets are really part of Gods game of marbles.
125. Bubbles sometimes come out of my ears.
126. Animals do dirty things.
127. Carrots come from snow mens plastic surgery.
128. Touch my head and I'll grow a tomato.
129. Paper is a spin off of plastic.
130. Respect the peanut butter I eat and I'll respect your nose hairs.
131. Sausage comes from the gaps between my toes.
132. Chalk boards are sometimes green.
133. Stairs are for idiots.
134. Liver warts grow on my dermal anatomy.
135. Pork comes from pigs, Beef comes from cows, Bread comes from sheep.
136. Worms are a byproduct of chicken noodle soup.
137. I run a garbage factory.
138. Old men have false teeth. Old women have false skin.
139. People that eat bananas have healthy lives. People that lick bananas have soar tongues.
140. Dirty people often smell like soup.
141. Roast roams freely in my back yard.
142. The plumbing in my wall has eyes and a mouth and I feed it babyfood.
143. I like to eat my toenails.
144. Hipposurgery is what doctors do to fat people.
145. Some people name their toilets Albert.
146. Windshield wipers are our friends.
147. I like to draw squares.
148. Water jugs are sometimes made to keep water in.
149. Dead fish can't swim.
150. If you wear shoes you should drop hot coals on your feet.
151. Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty ate my lunch.
152. Satan doesnt like to play patty cake.
153. Zippers were not made to kill fruit flies.
154. My temporary job is to change the light bulbs on the sun.
155. Wet tile floors are fun to lick.
156. Brooms were made to sweep up the lint that falls off my lips.
157. When I look in the mirror I see 10 space men and a spoon.
158. I collect birthday balloons so that if Im ever in a plane crash I can blow them up and float to safety.
159. Rules were made to look at while you think about tacos.
160. I give random lectures to cans of beans.
161. One o clock two o clock three o clock soup five o clock.
162. Aliens are living in the reserve tank on my toilet.
163. Garbage cans give me a sugar rush.
164. Chairs are not made to dance with.
165. I like to look at naked soup.
166. Some paintings come to life retarded.
167. Some people have ant farms. I have a pencil farm.
168. Pepper juice sometimes makes us scream.
169. Birds with feathers like to buy pillows.
170. My eyes have minds of their own.
171. I am in love with my pet sock.
172. I like to spit on clouds.
173. Hot air balloons are really bloated chickens.
174. If you stick pins in a tomato it might tell you to stop.
175. Wet toilet paper inhabits the cities under my dresser.
176. Monsters like to eat cookies.
177. Smart people feed cows tooth paste.
178. Children that eat paste grow up to work on hotdog farms.
179. Blue people like to eat bagels.
180. I make my freckles and moles wear wigs.
181. Some people blow dry their yards after it rains.
182. Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle, the cow just pooped on the moon.
183. Sick people like to look at oatmeal cookies.
184. Hospitals are full of germs.
185. If a flower blooms, pour onions in it.
186. My bar of soap is growing a mustache.
187. Some attics are full of rice and beans.
188. Cars can go.
189. Gras sometimes yells *#!*@ when I step on it.
190. When you thump a spring it goes booinoinoinoing.
191. Lick the hairspray and you will get liver.
192. Some television sets are polka dotted.
193. I sometimes chase stationary objects.
194. Chicken bones can cause massive flooding.
195. Many air ducts are full of little blue people.
196. My loins are being mined for gold.
197. Hamsters read dirty magazines.
198. Most people have skin.
199. If you were smart you would have a garden of dead potatoes.
200. Books usually read themselves many times.
201. Hairy things are fun to throw mustard on.
202. Some people talk in rhymes, and some people talk in nursery rhymes.
203. Nature is just a big toilet.
204. Criminals like to eat sack lunches.
205. Business men are usually made of peanut butter.
206. My toast, eggs, and bacon are having a battle to the death.
207. Wild Bill gave my shoes to the president of the beans.
208. Puzzles can be put together by wooden dolls.
209. Jars with stuff in them like to build sand castles.
210. Slouch is a color that hasn’t been invented yet.
211. Crayons wear feathers and dance around my clock yelling "Boo Bean!"
212. Bald people need to get haircuts.
213. Yell at my dog and Ill yell at your table.
214. Velcro is made of dried beer.
215. If something doesnt move, put jelly on it.
216. Some parents deprive their children of kidneys.
217. Old cows should run and eat beans.
218. Paralyzed people need to buy muffins.
219. Electricity comes from naked bears.
220. Buttocks were made for cows to throw darts at.
221. Old King Cole had a merry old soul and he sold it for two tooth picks and a piece of smoked
ham.
222. The ceiling is something to throw tortellas at.
223. Honey is that stuff that drips off of old peoples ear lobes.
224. Televisions are secretly plotting against us at night.
225. Eventually all of our products will say "Made in sewage"
226. Weve all been romantic with bacon some time.
227. If your truck wont go, feed it cheese.
228. Dead flowers are dedicated artists.
229. I leap through mounds of stuffed bears.
230. People who dont speak english must not know how to.
231. In chess the queen should be forced to wear a thong.
232. Volcanoes are full of satans vomit.
233. Birds of a feather need to grow some more feathers.
234. Leather jackets sometimes go "moo"
235. Bill me later, Im growing a milk mustache.
236. Some day the beans will get revenge and eat us.
237. Streets should be made of burritos.
238. Hospitals and closets should buy envelopes.
239. Beans that play drums should grow arms.
240. Lights let us see the beef thats running away with all of our belongings.
241. Buy more dead hotdogs.
242. Beans can be invisible.
243. Old cars should be made into hotdogs.
244. Cows that lick trees sometimes plow wheat fields.
245. I stare at the bushes obsessivly.
246. Flag poles like to chew on jerkey.
247. Jack and Jill went up the hill, but it was too tall so they went back down.
248. Paper can look sexy.
249. Some bricks are made for throwing. But some bricks are made to execute dead insects.
250. Peppermints grow on peppermint bushes.
251. Dump people wrap grasshoppers in napkins.
252. Ventilation shafts are usually full of migrating Asians.
253. Sometimes you just have to face the fact that your cat left a stinky under your pillow.
254. If you look out at the tag in your underwear it might say "make from recycled depends"
255. Some peoples houses are invaded by rampaging noodles.
256. Doors were not made to be opened. They were made to be hugged.
257. If you agitate it, it will love you.
258. Im not having an affair with my kitchen door.
259. Sentences can be made to sound useful.
260. Presidents like to touch naked objects in cans.
261. Rocks make us smart.
262. Laughter kills pancakes.
263. Dogs and cats are nudists.
264. Burp and the nice bear will come and tickle you.
265. Doors all over the world can harass you.
266. All of the bathrooms are being sued for sexual harassment and invasion of privacy.
267. Pipes will run through water someday. With legs.
268. If you chew for long enough youll get some gum.
269. Clouds are alive and looking down the girls shirts.
270. When playing softball yell "The poo nee nee!"
271. Some food talks to you while you eat it.
272. Help save the bottom of the toilet. Donate a turd.
273. Hickory Dickory Dock. The mouse ran up the clock. The clock struck 1. Hickory Dickory
Dock. It struck him in the head. Hickory Dickory Dock. The mouse fell unconsiously down the
clock.
274. Some people eat corn off the cob. I eat corn off my toe.
275. People with weird laughs have tiny animals living in their throats.
276. Some people treat their boogers like children.
277. "I like rice" is an alternative to saying "I like beans"
278. My geometry teacher has 5 wheat fields growing on her legs.
279. Eat 15 burritoes. Dont use the bathroom for 5 days. Then you can make a sub-marine in
your toilet.
280. The Trojan War was really caused by a Greek whose shoe was to small and a Trojan store
owner that wouldnt take it back.
281. Stop trying to smell my loins.
282. Rocks are wise in the ways of the hot dog.
283. If you pee on my rug you’ll leave a stain.
284. My pants embarrased me so I dont wear them anymore.
285. I vomit to give my floor color.
286. Elvis is living in my toilet plunger.
287. The fish in the river Styx are disobeying the rules because they are alive.
288. I love you. Im a homicidal maniac to.
289. My ears sometimes tell me disturbing things.
290. My groin frequently tells me what time it is.
291. If I talk for long enough I get mustard.
292. (Singing) I get so sad when my poopoo leaves my side. I get so sad when my poopoo leaves
my side. I get so sad when my poopoo leaves me, That I have to keep my poopoo in a plastic baggie.
293. I sing songs about musical instruments that steal the soap from your bathroom.
294. If you travel north for long enough, Santa will arrest you.
295. If Santa runs out of food he’ll eat the reindeer.
296. The easter bunny sexually harrasses people while hes in their houses.
297. Santa should be sued for invasion of privacy.
298. Matches are not made to play with. But do it anyway. Its fun!
299. My pet cow ate my underwear.
300. Donkeys climb my wall and eat the hay that grows in my hair.
301. Plastic airplanes invaded my room and shot a plastic monkey off of my ceiling fan.
302. I disect dolls to talk to the aliens that live in them.
303. My carpet tried to eat me but I hit it with a frying pan and it stopped.
304. Thou shal not use my pet pill bugs name in vein.
305. Place a tracking device in your poop and you can follow it forever.
306. Closets were really made to stand in when your depressed.
307. Some libraries have a depressing chair for depressed people to sit in.
308. If you stare at a wall for long enough it will look the other way.
309. Smile and you will be arrested for substance abuse.
310. If you dont have water, buy a dog and it will bathe you.
311. Colored pencils were once alive.
312. If your cold a blanket will come and steal your clothes.
313. My butt hole chirps when I release gas.
314. When it rains its really just a bunch of people peeing out of airplanes.
315. Blimps are really floating fat women with lots of gas.
316. If you like soup youl love macorroni pizza.
317. Some people have feathers in their armpits.
318. I have a colony of ants living behind my ears.
319. My body is controlled by a small penguin.
320. Some peoples arms are made of popcicle sticks.
321. The shoebox has a rectal fracture.
322. Palm trees share my arms and legs.
323. If you rub the toast your knee caps will laugh.
324. I go for midnight swims in bowls of beans.
325. In baseball the bat should be made of chicken.
326. Spagetti comes from my belly button.
327. Toilet paper should be made of onions.
328. Clean walls yell dirty things.
329. Light bulbs are really dead pigeons skulls.
330. Shampoo should contain bean juice.
331. Everything living must be forced to make a wig.
332. If a pencil touches your eye you can see it really good.
333. If salad could talk it would tell me that it wants to be an astronaut.
334. Floors were made to spit grape juice on.
335. Just say no. Dont smoke dried dog poop.
336. Little cherry people live inside us all.
337. If you lay down for long enough youll liquify.
338. The great light switch says "We either lick it or we buy it a can of germs"
339. Cows used to all be black. Then we drained them for paint and they turned white.
340. My socks are engaging in nudist behavior.
341. Underwear were really made to store peas in.
342. Bubble bath is intedned to cover ou up while cows watch you bathe.
343. If you stick out your tongue and make a funny face, a giant hamburger will give you a
quarter.
344. If a clock tells you to stop licking the wall you know you have a problem.
345. When I wasnt looking my carpet took my tacos and left a dirty sock in their place.
346. My toes are having a civil war.
347. My nostrils talk dirty to strangers.
348. If you wake up to find Big Foot sitting on your bed, invite him to dinner.
349. My toothbrush is demanding a ransom for the return of my toothpaste.
350. If something stinks, buy it a flower.
351. Sponges sometimes eat peoples hair.
352. If you chew off your finger nails, make them pay rent first.
353. Yell "Ow! Im being beat up by a kleenex!"
354. If someone is alive, they must not be dead.
355. Giant leaping frogs stole my barbeque.
356. Some stains can smile.
357. Warm weather comes when the bears release the gas they’ve built up all winter.
358. If you write on a wall, make sure its really dark so dead cows can see it.
359. Books with covers need to eat lots of cheese.
360. My fried eggs were murdered by a massive fork.
361. I ate five pickles that all said "No."
362. If a plant grabs you and tries to kill you, give it a dollar.
363. Yellow starts with a Y.
364. Evidence is the key to finding out where the rotton egg smell comes from.
365. I super glued my buttocks together.
366. Some people glue their butt holes closed so they cant blow gas.
367. The real reason people brush their hair is so that the pencil men wont invade it.
368. If you stab a potatoe it will cry.
369. Lice comes from bald people.
370. Some people need to have pet pickles.
371. When the cows come home Im going to give them five dollars.
372. When the fat lady sings I wont know because Ill be wearing earplugs.
373. My sled went down the hill with my lunch.
374. My phone farted seven times.
375. My sandwich went on a donkey back ride. Then the donkey went on a sandwich back ride.
376. If your pen runs out of ink, buy an onion.
377. Skeletons should drink rum.
378. If your loins are over flowing, build them a dam.
379. There are secret caves in my nose. I call them nostrils.
380. Some people scratch their arms.
381. Looney people need to buy broken shoes.
382. Dead carrots practice purple magic.
383. Some people burp up previously eaten food, chew it for a while, and then swallow it.
384. Goats should be made of paper.
385. Eat my cheese and I might just look at my fingers.
386. I like to look at wild moose and bear pornography.
387. Dirty underware sometimes sing christmas songs.
388. I demand that you lick the tag in the back of my shirt.
389. I put some clothes on.
390. You can find little mole people living in my loins.
391. See me in the shower and know youve seen a gnome.
392. I dipped my toilet lid in mustard and ate it.
393. Trees were made to hang dead monkeys in.
394. The fleas ate my cucumber.
395. A lone turd will blow up from lack of friends.
396. Baskets were made to store oder in.
397. Yell "Poop on me!!!"
398. Frequently complain about how sorry you are for flushing your poor little poop.
399. See the light and pee yourself.
400. I make electricity by rubbing my toes together.
401. My best friend is made of peanuts.
402. Little Bo Peep lost her sheep and didnt know where to find them so she bought some more.
403. Chopsticks are made when beavers vomit.
404. My rug is made of cat hair.
405. The food chain is really just a bunch of pretzels and onion rings.
406. Books are made to put in holes.
407. Before I flush I wave bye-bye to my poopoo.
408. Dirty birds grow deep within my walls.
409. I chewed my dirty pot.
410. Kings were made to eat cheese.
411. My dog is smelling your nose hairs.
412. I licked my plastic bag.
413. Dirty bobos are nasty.
414. I groom my dirty toes.
415. I fiddled while my pancake burned.
416. Bark…Bark…Wolf Bark…Booow!
417. Some cookies taste like cigarettes.
418. My boogers told me to blow my honker.
419. I doodled in my geranium.
420. We came, we saw, we licked it all.
421. My brain is held together by two small gerbils.
422. If you tell me to sing about lightbugs I will.
423. My uvula stalks me at night.
424. You do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around, and then your butt tells you to stop drumming on it.
425. If the lights flicker, tell them to stop.
426. My dog is wearing my dirty corndog.
427. Folders are made to smash twinkies in.
428. Bah Bah black sheep have you any wool, no sir no sir, the eggs I layed ran away with it.
429. Rotting fish can be mined for chocolate cake.
430. I soiled myself and now have plant life growing from my underware.
431. Burping causes underarm rashes.
432. Licking lightbulbs is a sign of intelligence.
433. Shower curtains need constant love and affection.
434. My muscles assist in bathing me.
435. When Im a good boy my dog gives me a treat.
436. My underwear have built in ventillation.
437. You shouldn’t be ashamed to tell your socks that they arent the only ones.
438. Eating too much cheese can make you mold.
439. Evil tables and chairs beat up my pet goat.
440. Lines are sometimes straight.
441. Pencils were not made to throw at ugly paintings.
442. If you lick an alarm clock, it might tell you to stop.
443. Say the magic word and youll grow three extra noses and apair of socks.
444. Wearing a blue shirt is a sign that the shirt is blue.
445. Wearing eyebrows is just like wearing a "caution: Deer hunting season" sing.
446. Eyeballs come when someone loses a game of marbles.
447. Peanut butter and brail chips make a tasty snack.
448. The moon is really made of bananas.
449. Nine out of ten times when you pee on a live wire its going to hurt.
450. Noodles of the 21st century unite!
451. Dead potatoes dont lie.
452. My globe grew an afro.
453. Sticks and stones may brake my bones but jelly makes me sticky.
454. Perhaps the most interesting thing about my life is that I have a really long hair growing
on my toe.
455. Water is for weenies - Real men drink gravy.
456. Stop eating my loins!
457. Wealth does not bring you screaming apple pie.
458. Why not have a government run by a giant piece of pepperoni.
459. At night I am horribly tortured by a small bottle of water and a living ham sandwich.
460. Phone cords were really made to hold used tootsie roll wrappers together.
461. Why must we live with a piece of pie looking at us?
462. My gears have quit so I cant move my pancreas.
463. I wonder why pop tarts dont work in factories.
464. Accountants should be forced to wear large "fragile do not drop" stickers on their
foreheads.
465. Glass and barbed wire are the key foundation of what makes a potatoe chip grow.
466. My heart just told me to follow it. Now Im running in circles.
467. Dogs were the decendants of the midgets that plowed the fields of my stomach.
468. Why cant people have the freedom to smack into a glass window like flies do?
469. On the journey to oregon many settlers payed taxes to the giant banana that guarded the
river gate.
470. Money is not the problem. Its those stupid carpet people that keep stealing my newspaper.
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